Awakening to a New Consciousness

How I came to believe in god. (An absolutely true story.)

I have been a seeker all of my life. I have no idea why, it has just always been my nature. I have always looked around me and tried to understand just what is going on; at the same time being fascinated by all of the different conclusions that other people have drawn. I often have feelings of discomfort when I see or talk to all the people who have absolute unquestioning beliefs in their god. I am also a little jealous of the security which that belief often brings. My questioning nature often leaves me feeling that I would like to have that strong un-questioning belief.

I was waiting for a friend and having lunch with my mind constantly wandering as it always does. Across the street I noticed a used car lot with an old Mustang for sale. I have always loved Mustangs, so I fantasized a bit about owning it. One of my next thoughts was that on the way home I needed to stop at the grocery store and while I was there or I might as well buy a lottery ticket. Then a thought came to me (a leftover from my catholic upbringing as is often the case) that " maybe if I won the lottery I could buy the mustang. If god would make that happen it would prove to me that he exists. The next thing to come to my mind was, I think, the truly important one (at least to me). One of those moments of insight came to me " that's silly, even that wouldn't prove to me the existence of god. One of the things I have come to understand in life is that even if a prayer is answered that is not proof of god's existence any more than an unanswered for this proof of his nonexistence!

What an amazing revelation, a validation of my own belief system which unfortunately I still often doubt because of my upbringing. "What if they are right". Even though everything I've come to understand after years of honest and open minded searching denies the existence of a monotheistic god.

The way that I have come to understand it, my understanding of the whole "god thing", is that " god is just a word that everybody uses to describe what it is that they believe in. How simple and profound and more all inclusive than the narrow "my god is better than your god" attitudes that I see most people having.

This simple little "revelation" which, of course, really only has meaning to me; added a strength and increased comfort level with my own belief about the nature of god. What a relief! My beliefs are just a strong and just as valid as anyone else's. What comfort that brings me!

Everything, of course, is subject to change if I come across any new information.

Tags: consciousness, evolution, namaste', spitiruality